This & that

“Should is how others want us to show up in the world — how we’re supposed to think, what we ought to say, what we should or shouldn’t do. It’s the vast array of expectations that others layer upon us. When we choose Should the journey is smooth, the risk is small. Must is different—there aren’t options and we don’t have a choice. Must is who we are, what we believe, and what we do when we are alone with our truest, most authentic self. It’s our instincts, our cravings and longings, the things and places and ideas we burn for, the intuition that swells up from somewhere deep inside of us. Must is what happens when we stop conforming to other people’s ideals and start connecting to our own. Because when we choose Must, we are no longer looking for inspiration out there. Instead, we are listening to our calling from within, from some luminous, mysterious place.” – An excerpt from Elle Luna’s “The Crossroads of Should and Must” This article hit me deep in the pit of my stomach. For years I found comfort in fulfilling a long list of Shoulds. Should inevitably drove me into divorced and therapy, and then into a dark place where I felt little passion or feeling about anything at all. Should molded me into a woman that “had her shit together” but had no idea what she wanted out of life. But our subconscious has a way of awakening what is within, especially at low points in your life. That’s when I was confronted with Must. Must is certainly a daunting call to action that sits comfortably at the core of your authentic self– feeding off the exciting and terrifying thought: “what am I capable of?” Must encourages you to trust your gut and take the risk, because you truly BELIEVE in yourself. Last year, Must drove decisions in my personal life that resulted in happiness I could only dream of. This year, Must is driving the shift in my career.

We waste so many days waiting for weekend. So many nights wanting morning. Our lust for future comfort is the biggest thief of life.

—unknown (via thatkindofwoman)

(Source: joshuaglenn, via atlasmountain)

1/ Observe him in his element. You expect your partner to give you safety and security, but those are the very things that can work against desire. “We want someone who is grounding and anchoring, but we also need mystery, novelty, and the unexpected,” says Perel. The key is to try to view him in a way that makes him seem unfamiliar to you—like, for example, when he’s doing something he’s totally into or when he’s being admired by others. “Looking at him while he’s being passionate about something is the biggest turn-on,” says Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., a psychologist in Chicago.

“A Handy Tip For the Easily Distracted” by Miranda July - NOWNESS (by NOWNESS)

Imagine now that you’re playing your own game. Before you start you ask yourself a few important questions. What are the rules? What does one have to do to win? Is it played on a field? For how long? With how many competitors? Do I even want to play? This game is yours and it’s played exactly the way you want it to be.

Don’t call me beautiful;
I don’t care.
Call me intelligent,
tell me my laugh is contagious,
tell me I made you smile,
tell me I have something to offer.

—Unknown  (via themilkywhiteway)

(Source: alert, via atlasmountain)

At a young age, our mother instilled in us social graces that I’ve come swear by. She explained that it’s OK to smile at a stranger or an acquaintance, even if they don’t smile back. That picking up the phone to tell someone you were thinking about them can turn a bad day into a better one. To do your best to be nice to because everyone is battling something. That hatred can be killed with grace and kindness. And most importantly, hurtful and passive aggressive remarks made towards you are really a reflection of how someone feels about themselves.